Dr. Mengele Lives

Let me first clarify something. I'm not a wimp. Calling a Doctor for every little thing is not what I do. If I'm sick or have aches and pains, I just deal with it. I'm 55 years old for hell sakes. My body is at the point where I should be getting a little arthritis and can hardly get out of bed some mornings. I live on Ibuprofen most days. I get by fine. So here is where the story begins.

My back and neck have been bothering me for a couple of years now. My darling daughter works at a Medical Imaging Center and has been after me for months to come in and have an MRI to see what if anything could be done. I finally gave in. The MRI tube in itself is a treat you don't want to miss. If your the least bit claustrophobic it can be quite traumatic as you only have about an inch of breathing room from your face to the top of the tube. Luckily they had some goggles for me to put on with a movie that plays inside the goggles so you don't even realize your inside. Not that you can hear the movie as the machine is incredibly loud, but it did keep me from hyperventilating and having a complete breakdown. The MRI showed 4 herniated disks. 2 in my lower back (lumbar) and 2 in my neck (cervical). Not really surprised. I was told that I could have an epidural for my lower back pain. Okay I say. I can do this. After all what can it hurt. A little prick with a needle and I'm good to go, I think innocently. It wasn't any worse than having your gums scraped at the dentist, but the dentist at least gets you high on laughing gas before the torture begins for hell sakes. But I have to admit that after a brief moment of intense pain, my back felt great. Okay they tell me, now come back in 2 weeks and we'll do a procedure on your neck called a "Nerve Root Block". Well sign me up! My back feels so good I feel like skipping through the parking lot doing cartwheels. Now comes the fun part. Not knowing exactly what I was in for I gleefully drove myself to the clinic. Do not do this under any circumstances. If you don't have someone to drive you home your not allowed Valium or any pain medication, which they don't even offer with an epidural. So how was I to know? Well it would of helped had they told me that, but I'm tough I can handle it. Couldn't be too bad. Right?
I was told to put on one of those medical gowns and taken into a huge room with a table and some sort of machine above me. The nurse takes that orange disinfectant stuff and proceeds to wash my neck and skin area around the injection site. I'm sure they keep that stuff in the freezer. The doctor comes in and turns on a screen so he can see where to place the needle in the side of my neck. So far so good. Your going to feel a little prick he says as he harpoons the needle into my neck. Now I'm not sure exactly what took place after that. All I can tell you is that within a few seconds my brain turned to mush and my body was racked with such pain that I thought I would start convulsing any second. I couldn't breathe. I was drenched in sweat to the point that I thought I may have peed my pants. (thank God I didn't) The sounds that were coming from my mouth were unrecognizable gibberish. I do remember asking the Dr. to please hurry as I was sure I would of confessed to anything. At one point Dr. G told me to try to be quiet as I would scare the other patients. Like I cared. "Go to your happy place" he says. He was kidding, right? My brain was scrambled eggs. I imagined that this must be what it feels like to swallow a taser. All dignity gone and reduced to a blubbering idiot. Then when I thought I could not endure another second the numbing medication started to take effect. It was heaven. Dr. G said "all done" and started to stride out of the room as I weakly said "thank you." What! Did I actually just say thanks? I was then wheeled to a tiny cubicle where I tried to regain some composure as I was sobbing like a baby. My daughter poked her head in through the curtain and all I could do was hug her and say it was horrible, just horrible and cry some more. Honestly it was the worst pain I had ever felt including natural child birth. No lie. I think they call it post traumatic syndrome. Now I get to go back and do it again! I can hardly wait. All I can say is Dr. Mengele has nothing on you, Dr. G!